After a long, semi-intentional, almost year-long absence, Mo and I are once again boarding the roller-coaster of infertility treatments. After TAB for approximately six months, our baby-making plans were halted by some intense family stress, including the death of my father-in-law over the summer. While we attempted to put our lives back together, we somehow managed to get in the recommended laproscopy (result = mild endometriois, treated), bloodwork, and injection-teaching. We spent a small fortune on Bravelle, Ovidrel, and progesterone supplements and are now simply waiting to begin the next phase of this long, winding journey.
Perhaps it is everything we have been through this last year, or perhaps another year of "wisdom" as I age. . .(yeah - right)! . . .but somehow, this time seems less intense. Is it simply "old hat" - this routine of doctor's visits, medication, ultrasounds, waiting and prayer? I don't know. What I do know is that I am still hopeful - in fact, perhaps more so now than ever before. Somewhere, in the quiet place of my soul, I KNOW that I will be a mother - somehow, someday. More so, I feel confident in saying that the day will come soon. I don't know where that confidence comes from, especially since everything I can see points to the opposite being true. But somehow, despite the setbacks, the disappointments, the failed cycles I still have it. It's more than hope - I have faith. Someday, I will join those women on the "other" side - the ones who talk so casually about pregnancy, birth, children, and motherhood. Someday I will forget the long, long road it took to get me there and the heartbreaks I encountered on the way. Someday, this rollercoaster will be nothing but a memory.
Someday -- soon.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
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