Being turned down is never fun.
It's even less fun when fertility is on the line.
We just got word from our clinic that my donor application was "unable to be accepted", due to a genetic thingie that I have. (And no, you're not missing a crucial post -- I didn't tell any of you because there wasn't anything to tell, at least not yet.)
The thing is, I went 27 years not knowing I had this, and it was only discovered during my laproscopy last fall. The disorder really only manifests itself if 1) I am given a specific anesthesia during surgery or 2) I am snorting vast amounts of cocaine. Since I've only attempted #1 under a doctor's supervision and never dreamed of attempting #2, I have never been in any danger from it, nor will my children, provided we are aware of it. It's detected by a simple blood test and requires no medication or special interventions. I (and my children, if they inherit it) just have to avoid a specific chemical which, as stated above, is fairly easy to steer clear of.
But, apparently, that's the kind of thing that potential parents aren't exactly shopping for in their donor eggs.
I'm okay with this, although once we had decided to go this route, I was excited by the idea of helping someone else achieve their goals. Now I am once again faced with having to make a decision: where do we go from here? For those of you not keeping a detailed list of Jo's Options (and why wouldn't you be? It's not like you have your own lives to overanalyze and vast amounts of time in which to do it), here they are:
1. Do nothing. Wait for potential Issues to arise and/or resolve themselves. Become bitter and resentful and unbearable to be around.
2. Pay for IVF #1 out of pocket. Our RE has agreed to discount our fees, but hasn't given specific numbers. If we choose this route, we can begin within the next week on BCP and plan for a mid-June retrieval and transfer.
3. Apply for Shared Risk Program. Undergo more cycle testing, requiring us to wait until at least July to begin. This one costs more upfront, but 70% is refunded if there is no baby within 3 attempts fresh / 3 frozen.
I know that Mo is going to say "I'll do whatever you want." Which is great in theory and quite unbearably annoying in helping me to come to any useful conclusions.
And so, my bloggy friends, I'll ask you for some limited assvice. (All Issues aside, I can't stomach the idea of doing nothing, no matter how damn practical it might be.) Have any of you gone the Shared Risk route? If you did, what helped you to decide? Any regrets? If not, why not?
I guess I'd also like to hear some IVF success stories. How many attempts did it take for you to get preggers? I know that if it takes 2+, then Shared Risk is really the best option. How likely is it that #1 will take? And if it does, won't I just be so thrilled that I won't care that it cost me double?
I'm rambling now, so I'll stop writing. I'll be reading your responses, though, so please weigh in below!
I can't offer much assvice as we haven't done this IVF thing yet either, we can only afford to do a one plus cycle so that's what we're doing.
ReplyDeleteI am happy to see you moving forward and making plans. Makes me happy for you.
I'll be eager to read your responses to because we're kind of in the same boat these days.
I Honestly can't say because my fertility issues weren't dealt with through IVF. Just wanted to say good luck and I Hope you are able to reach a decision that feels right to you.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been in this situation yet, but given what you've described, I would go with the shared risk option. To me it seems like it would give more insurance that you would end the process with a baby (or else IVF wouldn't work anyway for you guys). Under good circumstances IVF only has a 50% success rate, so 2 cycles may be necessary.
ReplyDeleteMy IVF experience was a positive on the first cycle. At the time my clinic was just in the beginnings of offering shared risk so we didn't have a choice. But a few months after our positive it was available and I am confident that we would have used it. I don't know why - it just seems right to me. Just my 2 cents of assvice. :)
ReplyDeleteNo assvice here either, just thinking of you . . . sorry this plan didn't pan out.
ReplyDeleteI don't really feel qualified to give you assvice, as we weren't grappling with the financial decisions that you are. I think, though, that we would have gone with the shared risk program. I always figured that while the financial pressure might be greater in some ways, the overall pressure of each cycle would be reduced. Having been through a cycle, I can say that there are enough emotional ups and downs that I wouldn't have wanted to add any other crap into the mix.
ReplyDeleteAlso, having had my cycle delayed a month because of an unfortunate situation involving my immunity to chicken pox and subsequent need for a vaccination, I can say that a month is just a month and it flew by for us. Just knowing that we'd be getting started with a cycle lifted the gloom for us, and we were able to do a few fun things in that last month and get mentally prepared for our cycle.
Just my very limited assvice. Thinking of you!
I hope that you are finding some peace right now--things sound somewhat topsy turvy.
ReplyDeleteIf it were me, I would go for shared risk, as I prefer to hedge my bets...and I'm not good at doing nothing either.
Thinking of you.