I don't know exactly what it is. It could be a myriad of things, all directly linked to Mo's Issues, which have been strangely silent as of late. Or not-so-silent. . .in an unobvious way. Being me, with no tact and even less patience, I called him out on it last night. And got absolutely nowhere.
But I sense it. The other shoe is there, teetering on the precipice. I know if I wait long enough it will come crashing down on me. But instead of having sense, and getting out of harm's way, I sit here blogging in metaphors and wishing I didn't know what I think I know. Or maybe I wish that I DID know. . .because knowing, at least, is better than not knowing.
I wish, for once, that things could be black-and-white. That answers would become crystal-clear, and that regret and second-chances and unknowns could be wiped away. I want a clean slate, one that's uncomplicated by unmet desires and sinking suspicions and dreams deferred. I want to start over, with the husband I married, untarnished, seven years ago. I want a different path, with a different outcome, but I want it with the man I fell in love with, the man I thought I knew.
I want the impossible, in more ways than one.
Monday, October 5, 2009
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If he loses another job on account of stupidity....Well, let's just say you don't need that. I hope it's nothing worse. Good luck, sweetheart.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to hide from us. We are here for you. I know it's hard to talk about what's really going on, sometimes, but sometimes that's the only thing that helps.
ReplyDeleteI may be off-base here--but I want to tell you that you don't need to put on any kind of mask for us. You are safe here.
And Kristin (http://thefertileinfertile.blogspot.com/)
ReplyDeletewill be sending you an email to your ymail account.
My blog reader isn't catching your posts for some reason. I decided to clear it out today, see who is still active...and discovered that you are. I thought you'd stopped writing and I've been thinking about you lately. Glad to see you're still here, even if things ARE...rocky. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteCatching up - I knew before I knew, too. And I didn't want to face the truth, did'nt want it to be true. But it was, and I had to face it eventually. Those weeks of knowing but not knowing were tough, but not as tough as what was to follow. Hang in there.
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