I'm about to complain about something that's been irritating me that most of you probably won't get. Its a problem I've not often heard about from other women, who in fact often complain of the opposite problem. While most men seem to be lacking in this department, my husband's sensitivity chip seems be of the, well, overly-sensitive variety.
I don't mean that he's a sissy, or that he cries at sappy movies. Mo is very much a "guy's guy" -- he's into sports and women and all the other stereotypical "man" stuff (not meaning to offend any of you sports-loving women, but you know what I mean). But he's also a sentimental fool, and often gets his feelings hurt over seemingly innocuous comments that people make.
Particularly me.
It seems I can piss my husband off without even trying. (It's a rare talent, and one that I'm trying to cultivate. :-D)
Yesterday, as we were getting ready to head to the beach with my parents, he was telling me about the football game he went to the night before. Specifically, he was complaining about how his phone died early in the evening and he had forgotten the charger.
"Oh, sure," I said casually. "You just didn't want me harassing you all night." I smiled to show I was simply kidding, a light-hearted ribbing among spouses.
Only, it hurt his feelings. Apparently, he has really been trying lately to keep the lines of communication open. And here I was, knocking his efforts. Without meaning to, but still.
Now don't get me wrong. I love my husband, despite the ups and downs of the last several years. Usually I find his sentimentality and sensitivity to be endearing. It's what sets him apart from other men. I mean, he's the one that reminds my mom every year that we decorate our house at Christmas in white, gold, and red because those were the colors we used in our wedding. He regularly posts videos of his favorite 80's bands on FB, along with comments about what each song reminds him of and how much his friends from then mean to him. He is at heart, despite what I've shown on this blog, a great big marshmallow.
But sometimes, mind you, it gets on my ever-loving last nerve. Sometimes, his inability to let an offhand comment just SLIDE is what causes an even bigger argument. Sometimes, I want to look at him, roll my eyes, and say "Oh, please." Every once in a while, I start wishing that he could be just a bit more obtuse when it comes to these things.
But then I realize that there are probably women out there wishing for a husband who will remember not only their wedding anniversary but the anniversaries of the day they met, and the date of their first kiss. There are probably women who would appreciate a sappy card for no reason and a man who actually WANTS to hold their hand in public. A man who, despite his inability to articulate a satisfactory response, actually LISTENS when we fight and is able, in the midst of his anger, to declare his wife "the best damn thing that ever happened to [him]."
He's far from perfect, as my regular readers know. But this Thanksgiving, despite my complaints, I'm glad that this is the kind of problem we're facing these days.
It could be worse.
That super-sensitivity sounds very familiar to me. Drove me crazy, too.
ReplyDeleteAaahhh. Tell him to quit being a sissy/get over it/*exasperated sigh*. You were kidding, and if he didn't realize it, a well-rolled pair of eyes and a "Babe. I was kidding. Seriously." should do the trick. I lack the patience for that kind of stuff, too, but there's a time and a place for a well-developed sense of humor, and Mo's seems to be developmentally delayed. In my opinion.
ReplyDeleteMan, I live in this world too. JD's ability to hold a grudge over the most inane things drives me up the fricken wall! Believe me, you ain't alone in the overly sensitive husbands department.
ReplyDeleteCame back to say that I think that the conventional wisdom that men are not "sensitive" is not entirely accurate. I think that a lot of men can be very sensitive when it comes to THEIR feelings. A lot.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how our strong manly men can be so sensitive over things that we think are little. It's also funny how much they hate it when we say things like "Oh, sweetie, you might want to check that, your vagina's showing" when they get all sensitive over the "little stuff." As you may be able to tell, we have this issue, too :-)
ReplyDeleteStopping by from Ungaming and comment chaining on SQ...
ReplyDeleteI read everything you wrote and went through something similar in the early days of our marriage.
I quantified my worth in life insurance policy and in laying out the sex slave, laundress, housecleaner, etc etc, gofer to fix the car,,,
He totally got it. He never (his culture is not big on holidays or gifts or cards) gave me props like the Americans do. One V-day I went on strike. He got it. That was year 3. I am now at year 20.
Good luck hun! Rock, roll, and, keep open-minded and compromise... it sounds like you have a rock solid dude and you will do amazingly well at this marriage gig. It can be a hard gig. There is no white horse or knight but you found one close to it!
I think that Quiet Dreams has a good point. It seems that a lot of people I know are sensitive when it comes to their own feelings, and not about others.
ReplyDeleteIf this whole IF journey has taught me anything, it's to be more sensitive to others.