Big Decisions

As many of you who have already been through this know, IVF requires some big decisions. Not simply about going through with the procedure, but also whether or not to use donor eggs, donor sperm, or donor embryos. Whether or not you want to freeze any leftover embryos. How many to eggs to fertilize, how many to transfer. And then, there's the REALLY big questions.

What do you do with your leftover embryos if one of you passes? If both of you die? Or, in the event of divorce or separation?

It should not surprise any of you that I had some definite feelings about these things.

Signing these consent forms requires some heartfelt discussion with your significant other. After all, their stake in the embryos you are making is equal to yours. Given the turmoil of my marriage as of late, I was particularly concerned about how Mo felt about keeping embryos after separation/divorce.

He was very gracious, understanding, and magnanimous. He was, in short, the man I married again.

Our ultimate decisions are personal, and I'm sure you'll understand why I don't feel like sharing them here. The bottom line, though, is that Mo and I agreed about two fundamental things: 1) This is an extremely important thing for both of us. It may very well be the only shot either of us have at having children. and 2) Given how much we love each other, we would not want to deny the other the opportunity to be happy, despite the state of our marriage.

All in all, our day yesterday was excellent. Mo's depression is lifting, and he is more like his old self. He kept the embryologist and I in stiches, which helped the day pass more quickly. We enjoyed a nice lunch at a new restaurant, and had dinner with a couple of friends before heading home. On the way back, Mo told me how much he enjoyed spending the day with me. He also told me how much he has missed me.

As I have missed him.

I know that nothing is solved at this point. The depression, and the accompanying issues, are bound to make an appearance again if nothing is done to prevent it. Mo needs counseling, perhaps even medication. I'm working on it. But we're still taking things one day at a time, and right now, each day is better than the one before.