I waver between intense hope that this cycle will work, and the devastating expectation that it won't. It's a seesaw of emotions that is so much more intense than any of our IUI's before. I am trying so hard to stay positive, but worry that I'm just setting myself up for extreme disappointment.
My mom, our friends, even my husband seem to subscribe to the "if we say it enough times, it will be true" theory. I get that. Confess good things and they will come to pass, etc. But I worry, too, that Mo isn't being realistic and I worry how he will react if we get that negative result.
Yesterday, Mo bought me a car. It's gorgeous, perfect for a growing family. We traded in my high-mileage-not-old-but-grandma-style-sedan and our summertime-two-seater-top-down-Jeep for a spacious SUV. I love, love, love it. It's the newest, nicest, car I've ever had -- and the first time anyone, ever, has bought me something like that.
But.
At the showroom, when Mo was explaining what we were looking for and why we were looking to trade in, he told the salesguy that we were "expecting."
I didn't know how to handle the congratulations, the follow-up questions. It was so awkward, and I felt like such a fraud. We're NOT expecting, not yet. Or, maybe we are, but certainly not enough to tell anyone about it! I stammered a "thank you" and mentioned a vague "summer" due date, all while shooting Mo the evilest of eyes.
I know he's just trying to be positive, to BELIEVE that this is going to work. To reassure me.
But, this tiny voice keeps harping at me.
What if it doesn't?
Sunday, December 20, 2009
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I hear you. Hoping beyond hope that Mo is right.
ReplyDeleteLet's see a pic of the new car! :)
First, congrats on the car. Very, very cool. I second the request for a pic!
ReplyDeleteI can understand the power of trying to be positive, yet I never am really able to find myself in that spot. I hoping that Mo is right.
I hope that Mo is right, as well, but yes, these things call for a certain amount of realism, in my opinion. Deep breath, and maybe talk with Mo about "family business and privacy" and what that concept means as far as including the outside world? Just a thought. But bless him, it's cute, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteOh gosh, I would have been pretty upset with my husband if he'd said anything like that to anyone. A good attitude is good, but I totally understand the fear of being let down at the end. It's so hard to maintain a realistic outlook. I really hope that this works out for you.
ReplyDeleteI really relate to all your sentiments. I somehow think it's easier for husbands to be positive. I am definitely the more cautious one. I would have been really uncomfortable in the situation at the dealership too...worrying that it might jinx things or something. But, his optimism hopefully sometimes buoys you along.
ReplyDeleteRegardless, soon you'll find out the answer (hopefully the good one!) and be able to move on from there.
I sooo feel you! When all you seem to get us bad news, it's hard to believe that positive thoughts help at all! And yet that's what everyone tells us, right? Be positive. I say it to others all the time, but when people say it me sometimes I want to reply "Oh, ok, because I had been hoping for bad news but now I'll hope that I'm pregnant. Good idea! Why hadn't I thought of it?" Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYou should definitely show-and-tell your new car.
ReplyDeleteI would also be very uncomfortable with all that positivity, but I know some people who would not be ok unless that's the way they took it.
I hope they're right, too.