Seven Years

Seven years ago, just one day after I officially graduated from college, I married Mo.

I'd like to tell you that its been perfect bliss ever since, but. . . .well, quite simply, it hasn't. Not even close. In fact, there have been times when it has been downright miserable. Those of you who are regular readers know how very close we came to the end not so many months ago. We've been through a lot of shit, not all of it IF-related. And I don't want to gloss over all of that now, now that things are seemingly on-track, now that we are so-close to achieving our baby-dreams.

At the same time, I don't want to harp on the negative. At some point, you have to close the door and move on. You have to let go of the resentment and bitterness and acknowledge that the same person you married is NOT the same person standing before you today.

And that is ok.

We had a good talk last night, Mo and I, which will provide plenty of fodder for future posts. Today, though, on our anniversary, I'd like to focus more on what is right, than on what has gone wrong.

And so I present the Top 7 Reasons I'm Glad I Married Mo:

1. He makes me laugh. Every single day. Granted on some days the laughs come easier than on others, but only Mo has a way of looking at me, and doing a little shimmy, that can make me grin even when I don't feel like it.

2. He loves kids. He has never once suggested that perhaps we just weren't meant to be parents. He has always, always, insisted that we would, one day, have the family we've been dreaming of.

3. He loves his family. Even though his childhood will never be deemed ideal (or even stable, for that matter), Mo has time and time again forgiven them their multitude of trespasses and welcomed them into our home with open arms. For that matter, he has accepted my family as his own and welcomed them without any hesitation, ever.

4. He loves our puppies. I mean LOVES them. They are his children, as they are mine. He spoils and pampers them in a very un-macho way. There is no place he'd rather be than on the couch (or in bed) snuggling with one or both of them. He is so gentle and softspoken with them, even when I'm not. His patience is unending. For all of these reasons, and many more, I know that when his time comes he will be an amazing father. In a way, he already is.

5. He forgives. Because this is my blog, he is often painted as the one needing forgiveness, but trust me when I say it goes two ways. I'm in no way the perfect wife, and I've said my fair share of hurtful and humiliating things over the last seven years. And Mo always forgives me, perhaps because he is in such need of absolution himself. No matter -- forgiveness, I think, is one thing that is essential if a marriage is going to survive. And I'm grateful that my husband has it in spades.

6. He is determined. Or stubborn. Whatever. The point is, when he makes up his mind to do something, he does it. When he decided (finally) to move forward with this IVF, he embraced the challenge whole-heartedly: eating well, drinking tomato juice by the gallon, taking vitamins. Since retrieval and transfer, he has outdone himself taking care of every need I have, from comfy new pajamas to reading material to breakfast in bed. When Mo believes in something, and WANTS to do it, he is a force to be reckoned with.

7. He loves me. I know this to be true to the very bottom of my soul. Whatever other issues he struggles with, whatever problems we have yet to encounter together, I know that he loves me. He loves me enough to spend obscene amounts of money on a 50/50 chance at giving me my biggest wish. He loves me enough to tell me, as he leaves to bury his grandfather, that if anything happens to him, he wants me to go through with the transfer. He loves me enough to sell our house, to leave behind the town he's grown up in, to move 600 miles away, so that I can be happy. He loves me, though he cannot always articulate it, in a way that I don't think he's ever loved anyone. And that feels good.

My husband isn't perfect. Neither is my marriage. But today, on our anniversary, I am oh-so-grateful that I have both to lean on, to hold me up, to give me hope.

Happy Anniversary, Mo. I love you.