Isn't it a not-so-funny thing, the way tragedy and heartbreak lend themselves to these great posts. . . and how the calm following the storm leaves you high and dry?
I haven't been blogging or commenting much because, really, I don't have much to say. I'm still reading and rooting along my IF sisters -- I just don't have the energy to reach out to them. That sounds bad, given that so many of you have reached out to ME in my time of need. It's just. . .I don't know. The minutiae of IVF seems almost anti-climactic these days. I'm not cycling, though I think about it all the time. I am anxious for our frozen cycle, for our upcoming move, for a fresh start. But all of that seems so far away. Right now it is all I can do to get through the day, to get up, get dressed, go to work, cook dinner, fold laundry. Mo said that to me last night -- how he feels like he's just barely hanging on, going through the motions, but not really present in any of it. It is such a letdown after all the highs and lows of the past two months. I can't sleep unless I take something, and even then I wake frequently during the night. The good news, if you could call it that, is that I haven't cried since Friday. Or was it Saturday? Either way -- these gray, blah days are better than the all-consuming misery of my miscarriage. I *think* I'm healing -- it's just a much slower, more gradual process than I ever could have imagined.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
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Jo, that's all that you can do. Hang on and deal as best you can. No one faults you for not being "around" with all that you're going through.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you and Mo are so good for each other and also dealing with this. It's a good step that you haven't cried in a few days. I remember realizing that one time in the middle of the night when I woke up...wow, I actually didn't cry.
(((HUGS))) We're all here for you.
I'm feeling much the same way - I'm here, but I'm empty and struggling just to get to work every day...just going through the motions and trying to will myself into caring.
ReplyDeleteGood for you on not crying for a few days. I was a crying mess on my way home from work yesterday. it seems to come in spells...but usually every few days I have a little sob-fest.
*Hugs* and don't worry about not being around in blog land - just do whatever feels right and whatever helps you heal. Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you.
You can blog or not blog, comment or not - whatever YOU want to do and whatever will help you through this excruciating process. They say time heals...I hope that with time your pain becomes less frequent and that you even have some bright days in the not-so-distant future.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like grief to me. And it also sounds normal.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. I wish there were words...but please don't stress about commenting or not. (I would like a post every once in a while just to know you're alive--I haven't forgotten the scare of "Where the heck is Jo?") :) Just a couple of words will do. :)
So many people care so much about you. Take your time. We'll be here.
You're gonna be all over the place for awhile. It's ok. No one can grieve for you, and no one can help you through it. You have to get to a better place and unfortunately, you can only do it by yourself. I'd do it for you, if I could, cause I've already been there. I know where you're at. I hate it for you, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this.
ReplyDeleteYour doing a good job. Your getting up, and getting dressed and going on about your day. I'm sorry that it's been so hard but your doing good, your getting up every day and putting one foot in front of the other. And that's all you can ask of yourself.
ReplyDeleteIt will take lots of time to heal, don't rush yourself. I've been thinking of you. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteJo, I'm glad you're feeling a little better. Take your time. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Still thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteMy mom has a saying that I like when I get overwhelmed and start thinking too far ahead. She will say, "Of course you can't do XYZ. But can you (insert something simple here like brush your teeth)." It gets you started sometimes, just doing the little things.
ReplyDeleteMinute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. You WILL heal to a point where it doesn't hurt so much, but you will always remember.
My heart goes out to you guys, my husband and I know all to well what you're going through. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling a little bit better. Thinking of you...
ReplyDeleteDude, you're cooking dinner and folding laundry. I do those things maybe monthly. I can't blame any miscarriages. GOLD MEDAL FOR YOU. Get back to the blog commenting when you feel up to it. We'll still be here.
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