Lingering

I'm still here, amidst moving boxes and packing paper, lingering in our old house and trying not to be impatient with Mo as he says his goodbyes. If it were up to me, we'd already be gone. But, I understand how hard it is to leave behind friends that you love and a life that's familiar, even when you know its the right decision. And so I am trying to keep my impatience in check and understand that a few days one way or the other will not make a major difference. We have the house we want locked down, and a deadline to go sign the lease, so I know we WILL be leaving sometime this week/weekend.

Things between us have improved so much these last few weeks. I really think that we needed this time together, away from the stresses of our jobs and our treatments, to reconnect. We've had our moments, to be sure, but mostly we've just enjoyed hanging out together. I am seeing again the man I fell in love with, the one who kept me laughing and gave me reasons to smile. And that feels SO GOOD. Knowing that I will soon have family to spend time with, too, is even better. We are making plans for weekends spent "re-discovering" our new/old hometown, for cooking with my mom and stepdad, for home improvement projects. I feel like we are just days away from really LIVING again.

I am so excited for this move. I know it's going to be what is best for me, what is best for Mo, what is best for our marriage and our overall happiness. I know it, deep in my bones, and I am still slightly in awe as to how well it has all fallen into place. I stopped believing in some divine "plan" a long time ago, and yet it seems so. . .right. Like this is how it was supposed to be. So many things could have happened differently, which would have prevented this from happening. Had we not lost Mo's dad a year and a half ago, we never would have even begun IVF. Had Mo's grandfather not passed just before Christmas, we would still be here caring for him. Had Mo not inherited a significant amount of money from his father (yes, I know it's tacky to talk about it, but it's true), we couldn't have financed treatments or been able to quit our jobs mid-year and make this leap. Had the family we came to love and adore not been free of their own lease, able and willing to take our house, we'd be stuck making two mortgage payments. Had we not found this perfect house, that came available the very weekend we were looking and was the last one on our list. . .well, you get the idea.

In the meantime, we are lingering here. Waiting on moving companies and saying goodbye to old friends. Relishing in the memories, both good and bad. Lingering on the cusp of a new life, while bidding adieu to our old one.

Lingering, for just a little while longer, before moving on.