I cried Tuesday night on the way home from my sister's. I cried last night while making dinner. And I cried tonight on the way home from a fabulous chili feast with my parents.
I'm happy, deep down inside. Things this November are so much better than they were a year ago.
So why can't I stop crying? Why can't I forget what I've never had, what never was?
How can you miss someone so much that you've never met?
Especially when they may never be anything more than a figment of your imagination?
Friday, November 12, 2010
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Ohhh that's an easy question to answer my friend.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to "meet" someone to love them unconditionally, to have them be a part of your life.
I find it's harder to forget something/someone that never was, than something/someone that was BECAUSE it never was - you never got to experience you only had to anticipation of it.
And "it" WAS more than a figment of your imagination, "it" was already in your heart.
Don't beat yourself up too much, what you're feeling, experiencing is perfectly normal in my book.
Big hugs my friend and don't bottle those tears up!
xx
Those babies were real...ARE real...they were the perfect combination of you and your husband, and that is why you miss them. They were your first babies. They will always be a big presence in your life, and that is okay. I am sorry that you miss them so much. It's so hard.
ReplyDeleteOh honey, those babies existed and were very real. What you miss are the hopes and the dreams and the possibilities they represented. Of course you are sad and missing them. That is perfectly normal. {{{Hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie... Hugs... Many hugs...
ReplyDeleteHugs to you. Just because it's "better" doesn't mean you don't have a reason to cry.
ReplyDeleteI have had those very same thoughts. Those babies ~were~ real and you have every right to cry for them. I'm glad you are in a better place this Nov than the last, but that doesn't mean you can't be sad sometimes.
ReplyDelete((((HUGS))))
These thoughts are like torture for your soul with what you've been through. I just wanted to let you know what you're in my thoughts. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteOh hon. You've got so many reasons to be upset that it doesn't really matter if some things are objectively better. Thinking of your family and sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteIve thought the same thing. How can I miss my baby so much when he never "really" was a baby? Mourning an idea and a lost future is so hard. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteIt's perfectly ok to be sad your spirit has been through alot in the last year. You are grieving and that is ok. Your spirit is healing and the tears are your sadness in water form. My thoughts are with you today.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry the last few days have been extra rough. Please remember you are allowed to mourn this. I hope you are feeling better *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI've thought the same. But I miss my little babies - so much. And I grieve for them. I don't think I never met them. They've always been in my heart. Hugs to you!!!
ReplyDeleteI really wish I had some answers for you...
ReplyDeletebut of course you LOVE..from the moment you know..and you never stop.
a good cry, never hurt anyone. I find it might just be the way to come full circle. HUGS