Why Children are NOT a Blessing

Before you roll your eyes at the bitter infertile talking, hear me out on this.

I do NOT believe that children are a blessing from God.

That is not to say that they aren't amazing, wonderful, innocent creatures -- indeed, they are.  That is not to say that parents should not feel grateful for the amazing, wonderful, and innocent creatures that are in their care.

But please, let's stop mistaking gratitude for God's favor.

By saying that you have been "blessed" with a nice home, two cars, a good job, and a houseful of children -- you are also saying that others have not.   What message does that send to the homeless?  The unemployed?  The infertile?  That you are worthy of God's favor, and, by default, they are not.

Our society likes to publicly state that  we owe everything we have to God.  It's a way of sounding humble, of acknowledging that we in no way have done anything to "deserve" the magnitude of success we achieve.  It's also total bullshit.

I am by no means saying that we should not be grateful for things in our lives.  I am very fortunate to have been born into white, middle-class America and have benefited greatly from that.  I got a good education, I have a good job, and Mo and I therefore have a lot of really nice things.  I'm lucky in that, should times turn tough, I have a family to lean on and support me.  I don't anticipate having to go to a shelter, or a food bank, or a welfare office in order to make ends meet.  But -- does that make me more "blessed" than those that do?  Am I, due to circumstances largely beyond my control, somehow in "favor" with God?  I don't really think so.

I know that most parents, when they speak of the blessings that their children bestow, they are in fact trying to express the sincere sense of gratitude they feel for being able to parent.  They are not trying to say that they are somehow "better" than those of us without children.  And yet, to say that you have been blessed with children, it automatically begs the question: why have I not?

Kim. K. of Kar.dashian fame was heard saying recently, "I work hard, so I deserve nice things."  While that may very well be true, don't all of us work hard at something? Is she more deserving of the millions she makes than a serviceman or woman fighting overseas?  Let's face it -- most of us do not "deserve" the crap life hands us.  And yet it keeps on coming, in one form or another.    

And, for all that you (and I, for that matter) may someday feel that our as-yet-unconceived children ARE actually gifts from God, I simply cannot imagine that He is up in Heaven passing them out like candy for deeds well done.  He doesn't look at the drug-addicts, or child-abusers, or neglectful parents and say "THESE are my chosen people!  Let's bless them with an abundance of children!"  In that same vein, I don't believe that my infertility is my "punishment" for lack of faith, or for any sins I may have committed unknowingly in the past.

Some of us are lucky in the game of life.  Some of us are not.  I do think we should focus on being more grateful for the wonderful things we DO have.  We should never take them for granted, because life can change in an instant.  But to publicly state that our material possessions, or our children, are given to us because we're "blessed" by God also sends the message that those who aren't, don't deserve it.

And THAT, my friends, is something I just can't embrace.  So, disagree with me if you will, but I will continue to say it:  children are a host of wonderful things and they bring pure, unadulterated joy to their parents.  But neither they, nor your home/cars/diamonds/job, are a reflection of God's favor (or lack thereof).  Should I ever be fortunate enough to have a child in my life to raise, I will likely thank God every day.  But I will never, ever, ever imply that said child is a blessing, for that is just a slap in the face of those whose lives took a different path.