Which Road?

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, 

And sorry I could not travel both,

And be one traveler, long I stood,

And looked down one as far as I could,

To where it bent in the undergrowth.....

(from "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost)

I feel like I am standing at a crossroads, a pivotal moment in my journey, and I cannot for the life of me decide which path to take.  I wish it was a simple as two possible outcomes -- but there are several roads I could take, all of which could lead me into several different conclusions.  Being a planner, I try to have the foresight to look at each possible path and each possible outcome -- but the truth is, there does eventually become a hazy area, that bent place in the road, where you can no longer see where it is taking you.

My marriage does not handle limbo very well, and we seem stuck there for the next few months anyway.  There have been some recent speedbumps (none nearly as catastrophic as those in years past -- let's call those a ten-car pile-up in the middle of a blizzard, with lots and lots of casualties) -- this is tame in comparison.  But every speedbump and pothole seems to trigger some sort of out-of-context reaction in me -- I don't have an official diagnosis, but post-traumatic stress syndrome seems awfully close.  I can't see the road in front of me some days because I am so focused on the looming obstacles that are around the next corner.

I could, in theory, just stand here at the crossroads indefinitely.  Perhaps, over time, the paths in front of me would become clearer, one drenched in sunshine and happiness and the other black with impending doom.  But that's the problem with life -- it is impossible to stand still for long.  Even if you refuse to decide, life has a way of pushing down a particular road, like it or not.  Not choosing is as much a choice as choosing is.

I've come to a fork in the road, and at some point very soon I am going to have to take a deep breath and plunge forward down one path or the other (or the other, or the other....).  All paths have the potential for happiness, or for disaster.  The problem is, once I choose, it will be impossible to ever come back.  I am terrified of regretting my choice, so terrified that I am frozen with indecision.

I want someone to tell me which path to take, which road will bring me to the destination I ultimately seek.  However, as I do not believe in fate nor any intervening dieties, I don't think that's possible.  I am not destined for one life or another -- it all lies within my reach, within my decisions and my resulting actions.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black. 

Oh I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.  

I shall be telling this with a sigh,

Somewhere ages and ages hence.

Two roads diverged in a wood and I -- 

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.    

If only every decision didn't have such far-reaching consequences, this would be so much easier.