Just because I like to know my numbers --all of them--and I like to compare them to previous cycles doesn't mean I'm obsessing.
Just because I google "follicle counts during IVF stim day 7" or "endometrial growth per day" or "success rates third time IVF" after every appointment just means I like to have information--the more, the better.
I tried explaining this to Mo yesterday. I know that I can't control the outcome of this cycle. I can't control how many follicles grow, or how thick my lining gets. I can't control how many eggs get retrieved, how many fertilize, or whether or not they implant. But, somehow, knowing what's going on gives me a sense of control -- even if it's a total illusion. Knowing my numbers doesn't stress me out -- it's not knowing that makes me crazy. Even when things aren't progressing like I wish they would (just 9 follies? Lining at 7.7 mm?), KNOWING is better than not knowing.
We've had several minor non-events this cycle, including a cyst at baseline that had to be aspirated, missing e2 levels from a local Labcorp, slow-to-respond ovaries, and running out of meds while out-of-town. I have tried --oh, how I have tried! -- to roll with the punches and not to freak-out. But, I will admit, this IVF is consuming a little more head-space than I wanted it to. I am 95% certain that tomorrow's appt. will be our last before trigger, and I am incredibly nervous. I know exactly what to expect, and I know exactly how little control I really have.
And so I google, and I analyze, and I hope for the best.
Obsessed?
What IVF patient isn't?
I need all the information. ALL the information. ALL OF IT. I'm with you on this one.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. Am crossing fingers.
I actually hate the information! My first cycle I was so blissfully naive and uninformed. I just assumed everything was good when they said, "good!" Now, 8 cycles later, I'm wondering what does good mean. What are my numbers??? I miss blissfully unaware.
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't know how anyone going through IVF can NOT obsess. I mean, there are so many things going on that you have to think about and remember. . . even if you didn't want/need the data about what's going on inside your body, you still have to remember to take your meds and go to your appointments and the like.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping that this works for you! :-)
Best wishes!!!
ReplyDeleteI do this too, and my husband begs me to stop. But every time, my obsessive Googling has helped me to be better prepared for bad news. It sucks that my research proves to be right, but a bit vindicating that I do know what I'm talking about. Wishing you a ton of luck with your cycle.
ReplyDeletegood luck!
ReplyDeleteI'm right behind you, Jo! Baseline in two days, and I'm already obsessing.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
I'm the exact same way. Knowing the numbers helps bring order to the otherwise uncertainty. Thinking of you and hoping for very good news soon!
ReplyDelete