Quietly put to bed (although never far from my thoughts) the Issue wasn't discussed this week. And yet I feel myself distancing from him. I am pulling away while at the same time desperately pushing forward.
We're talking again, which is an improvement. At least, we were talking. And we had decided to try to move past this.
In all honesty, though, I am not sure I can. All week long I've felt myself burying my anger, my frustration. I feel stuck -- trapped by all those things I fought so hard to achieve. I'm unable to let go, to give up my Plan, to contemplate a future so very different from the one I've always pictured.
And yet, if I am truly, TRULY honest with myself, this isn't what I pictured at all.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
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Jo, my heart is with you. I just want you to be happy, and I can only imagine how very torn you must feel with your heart being tugged in two separate directions. I don't want to go all preachy with assvice, but rug-sweeping very rarely brings about the true healing, the type that doesn't fester over into hot, bitter resentment. I know that you know that already, and I hate that your picture of how things are and how they *should* be in the future are all shattered right now. I hope and pray that somehow, you can get the pieces to fit together again, and in a way that truly comforts your heart. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteOh, Jo. I'm not sure what happened, but I'm conjecturing all sorts of things, and none of them good. I have cleverly deduced that the Y-chromosomal unit that lives in your home seems to be the root cause, however. Tell him to straighten up or you're gonna start losing shoes up you know where. It always seems to work for my YCU. All joking aside, I just want you to be okay again. *Lots and lots of hugs*
ReplyDeleteMy heart is hurting for you. Doubly ditto what Kymberli said, and doubly ditto the not wanting to get all up in your business about it. I'm just so very sorry. I definitely know about plans going awry. Lots of love going out to you.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
ReplyDeleteDitto the others, friend. I'm worried about you. Sounds like you've had some hard realizations lately.
ReplyDeleteTalking is good. You'll work though it, just follow your heart in this.
ReplyDeleteMr. Shelby
Jo...hoping and praying you guys can work things out in a positive manner. {{{Hugs}}} and prayers.
ReplyDeleteJo, I hope you're able to work some of this out. It sounds like it's weighing so very heavy on your heart and that can wear someone down. I know my own dear hubby and I went through a period that was horrible, and I thought we'd never get past it and I had the same thoughts about my plan and not giving it up but not knowing what else to do. We've still got shoes full if ish (issues)but we've met on one common ground. I hope you two can do that. If you need anything please let me know.
ReplyDeleteHi Jo,
ReplyDeleteI haven't been here in a while--I'm sorry!--and now I see that you're in the midst of a struggle and wish I'd visited sooner to lend you some support. DH and I have also hit some extremely rocky patches during our 11 years together (6 of those married). There was a brief time in there when I really thought we might divorce, things were so bad. We did manage to push through our shit, but I'm not advocating that as the answer for every marriage. I hope that your path becomes clear as the days go by, and please know that I'm holding you close in my heart and thoughts!
Hugs~
Brenna