I'm guilty of it.
So are you.
You can sit there, all wide-eyed and innocent and 'who me?', but you know that I am right.
It's human nature. We read a blog, we see one tiny snippet of a person's feelings or one moment in time and we make presumptions.
We judge.
"Is she seriously considering having a baby with him?"
"I would never put up with that."
"Those two don't need to have children -- not yet anyway."
"Their faith is so shaky."
"They need to fix their relationship before they ever consider having kids."
It works the other way, too.
"God, they have such a perfect relationship."
"I wish my spouse were more like him/her."
"She has everything I want."
The thing is, you may very well be right. But, you may very well be wrong. In all honesty, you just DON'T KNOW. The glimpse you get of each person on here is just that, a glimpse. It is in no way the entire picture. In fact, you could say it is the most misleading picture of all: it's how we see ourselves, and how we see others that we broadcast on here. It's entirely one-sided, no matter how objective we aim to be.
Not only is it one-sided, it's incomplete. None of us knows the inner-workings of anyone else; all of our perceptions are colored by our own prejudices, experiences, our own viewpoint of the world. We do not -- cannot -- see every side, every person, in their entirety. We cannot understand the entire picture, because we are not God.
And so, often, we keep our judgement to ourselves. We think -- but rarely express -- varying levels of condemnation, of what we call our "opinion." Or we express it in tiny ways -- the lifting of the eyebrow, the well-placed silence, a turned shoulder. Rarely, oh so rarely, do we really try to see all sides, to understand all involved, to withhold judgement.
It's rare -- but wonderful. Thank you to all who refrained from judgement, and who will continue to do so in the coming months as I unravel the tangled mess of my life. I hope you will keep in mind, as I do so, Alexander Pope's short assessment of humanity:
"To err is human, to forgive divine."
Thursday, April 23, 2009
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You're absolutely right. Sitting here with you - waiting for you - with out judgment - here to listen when the time is right.
ReplyDeleteA deceptively simple post that shows how much you are struggling with whatever you are going through. Here for you. Big hugs. Much love.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant post even if it is backed by your struggles....or maybe it is brilliant because of that. Whichever it is, thank you for the timely reminder.
ReplyDeleteYou are completely right - I think it is human nature to make judgments on what we see and hear and we can't help but do that through the lens of our own, unique experience. I will not actively, deliberately judge you or your situation. I just want you to know that this is a safe place for you to come and be. This community will give you all the support you need, even if it needs to be undefined.
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm here to listen and offer you hugs and support. Take care.
I just came over from the LFCA to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hoping for peace and healing for you and your man.
ReplyDeleteHere from Lost and Found, Thank you for your wonderful, insightful post. I hope you are kind to yourself during this stressful time.
ReplyDeleteVery true. Thinking of and supporting you. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteWhat Bluebird said. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteI could not agree more.
ReplyDelete