Happy F*#!ing Fourth!

That's what I felt like screaming out the door as Mo and Friend headed out about an hour ago (don't worry, I kept my sanity and did not do so). It's just -- well, typical.

I'm going to break my own rule, for a moment, and tell you a little story that really isn't mine to tell. I do this for background, so you can understand WHY I am so infuriated.

Mo was recently "let go" from his job. This is not a new situation; he has been released from just about every teaching job he has ever had at the end of the year. The reasons have been varied, including not keeping his certification current, taking too many days off (which he did a lot when his dad was sick), to this year's district restructuring, which resulted in the job loss of approximately 100 teachers who were on tenure-track (he would have received it this year). Anyway, I digress.

One of the reasons cited for Mo's not being invited back was that during his last evaluation, the television in his classroom was showing unauthorized TV (BET was on). Now, I know this is a stupid move on Mo's part, but hear me out. He had organized a food day for his students, something that as an ESE teacher they don't get often. He had spent a lot of his own money to feed them, cooked all day, and was given about an hour's notice of the observation. He tried to ask the AP to reschedule, but she did not. She arrived the last 15 minutes of class, and so witnessed only the "party" scene, and not any regular classroom instruction (this was the week before Finals Week).

One of Mo's biggest "beefs" (which I have listened to umpteen times this summer) was how his AP didn't even ACKNOWLEDGE all the good he was trying to do, the money and effort he spent, and instead focused on the negative.

That is exactly how I feel today. I spent over $150 on food, cooked and cleaned all day, entertained my neice, did several home improvements, waited on his grandfather, etc. etc. etc.

Instead of being acknowledged, I am "rewarded" by being ditched as he and Friend go out on the town (But, honey, it's Friend's last night in town! I never see him! It's been at least four months since we went out (not including two nights ago).

The same situation that he hated, reversed upon him. I pointed it out, too.

I called him shortly after he left, and I told him everything I just told you. I also told him that he didn't think I was serious. That he didn't really believe that I was thisclose to leaving behind the house, the pups, EVERYTHING just so that I could get some goddamned SLEEP at night and stop feeling so rejected. Because that's how I feel -- like somehow, I'm not enough. Oh, he tells me that's not true, he tells me how I am everything to him, BUT THEN HE LEAVES.

Tomorrow, I am going to break the code of silence. It's been broken before, but only when absolutely necessary. Before, it was necessary for his survival. Now, it is necessary for mine.*

I am going to tell a friend the truth, and I am going to ask her for help. I'm looking for a cheap hotel in which to spend the next few days before I head home. I've already told Mo that he and I have some serious issues to discuss when I return. He, of course, knows I'm pissed but thinks it will all have "blown over" by morning. I know he needs a wakeup call, and I hope that this will do the trick.

Because, as I told a bloggy friend when I responded to her email today, I am NOT FUCKING KIDDING ANYMORE.

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*Don't panic, I am not in any physical danger. Mo is an ass, but he's not a violent one.