One of the "problems" with becoming more self-aware is that there are times when, quite honestly, I would like to be able to shut myself up -- and I am finding that harder and harder to do. The inner voice that jumps to conclusions, that is quick to assume the worst, that is simply TIRED OF THIS SHIT gets harder and harder to ignore.
And yet, more and more consciously, that's exactly what I find myself doing. Turning it off. Looking the other way. Letting go.
At what point does letting someone do their thing cross the line from independence into deliberate ignorance? And, after all this time and experience, is ignorance even really possible?
There are times when I wonder if the "healthy" reaction is really healthy at all.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
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I'm so glad to hear from you! Please resurface once a week or so and let us know you're alive! Anyway, it feels wrong to you because you're like me, a fixer. And you know that even though you're a fixer, you shouldn't have to fix some things, they should fix themselves i.e. grown men should act like it. The problem is keeping the mouth shut and holding it in. THAT'S unhealthy. So, I just go down the middle. Whenever something I don't like happens, I shriek like a banshee and make LOTS of noise, and presumably (in an effort not to have to hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth ever again) the problem fixes itself. Sometimes temporarily, so then the wailing recommences, but hopefully with less regularity. Love ya babe!
ReplyDeleteI don't know how to react to this, because I'm not entirely sure what you mean. On the one hand, perhaps, if your inner voice is growing louder, it might just make sense to listen? Are you coming to a new realization of how youwant your life to be? On the other hand, is that inner voice just really too critical? is it better to let go, let some things be? I don't know the answer for you. I wonder sometimes if my inner voice has been unleashed and if I can ever truly be content in this relationship, and it scares the heck out of me. And then other times I think I am truly happy. Thinknig of you.
ReplyDeleteWhichBox -- you hit it on the head there. "I wonder sometimes if. . .I can ever truly be content in this relationship, and it scares the heck out of me. And then other times I think I am truly happy." I honestly am beginning to wish it could just be one or the other, you know?
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