. . .it's now full-fledged flowing. Bright red, period-like. With cramps and lower backache. In fact, if I didn't know I was pregnant, I'd think it was AF.
I gave in and called the office and asked for the on-call nurse. Turns out my RE was the one on-call. He assured me that this could be perfectly normal, and in fact happens a lot after IVF. As long as I'm not "gushing" and there are no severe cramps, it could very well be nothing.
But, to be safe, they're gonna see me first thing in the morning.
I'm trying to remain optimistic, but I just can't. I really feel like its over. My "symptoms" have tapered off -- boobs are hardly sore at all, not hungry or thirsty, sense of smell seems back to normal. I just don't "feel" pregnant. My poor Mo is trying to hold us both up, but I admit I've lost it once or twice.
I am trying to prepare myself, but how can I? How does one prepare to lose the very thing they've hoped and prayed for for so many years, something so intangible it never even really seemed real?
How do you prepare to lose something that never was?
Sunday, January 3, 2010
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Oh I am so sorry you're having to go through this...any of this. And to have to wait it out through the holiday weekend...crap. Keeping you in my thoughts through tomorrow...whatever may come.
ReplyDeleteJo I am praying for you...no matter what comes tomorrow. Hugs and more hugs!
ReplyDeleteYou're quite right. This could turn out to be nothing. I know those words are so easy for me to say. The anguish you must be in waiting as things have gotten worse. I'm so glad though that you are being seen first thing in the morning.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question though (it may very well have been rhetorical, but I'm answering it any way), there's no way to prepare for a potential loss. You will be uneasy and scared until you know what's going on and that's ok.
I wish there were something more I could do or say. Try to take it easy. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.
Sweetie I am so sory to hear this but it could infact still be ok...I had a lot of friends who went thru the same thing and everything was fine - actually one did gush blood and I know for me with my miscarriage it was brown in the begining but stayed brown and a lot of it for awhile...I would tend to think you are still ok....try to get some sleep and keep us posted. My thoughts and prayers and love is with you!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are going through this--I will be anxiously waiting to hear what your doctor has to say tomorrow. I will be praying, too.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and sending lots of hopeful prayers your way.
ReplyDeleteYou're in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteIt could totally be OK, do not give up!!!
ReplyDeleteI meant to tell you that last spring when I had a chemical pregnancy (my HCG got up to 160, but that was it), they did an ultrasound at almost 6 weeks (just about where you (we) are now) and they could definitely see a sac. They knew right away that it wasn't a normal pregnancy and that was awful, but my point is that they could see something at that early stage and low level. They'll definitely be able to see what's going inside you tomorrow.
It's a great sign that you're not cramping and gushing. Also, did you know that a side effect of endometrum is red spotting??
Remember that it's out of your hands and try to reduce your stress as much as you can. You most likely have a baby in there and she/he needs you calm!
HUGE prayers to you...this has got to be horrible for you both. Good luck tomorrow!!
Big hugs!!! XX
Thinking of you! xxx
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and praying that things will turn out OK for you. Keep up posted.
ReplyDeleteJo, I'm so sorry that you are so scared and having to deal with this. I"m so so sorry.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of prayers for tomorrow.
This really sucks. I'm sending lots of thoughts and prayers to you and your little bean! ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteTons of prayers going up for you that everything is okay!!
ReplyDeleteIts heart wrenching to read this :( I hate that you are having to go through this uncertainty and fear. Thinking of you and hoping for the best at your appt tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteOh honey...I am so damned sorry. I hope and pray it turns out to be nothing/normal but I know from experience how damned scary it is. I wish I lived close enough to come and sit with you and hold you both up when you needed it.
ReplyDeleteNo! I was so encouraged when I saw your post title, but now not so much. I am so sorry! I'm glad you got your doc and they'll see you asap. But remember... my cousin GUSHED all the time and has a perfect little boy now. Your symptoms tapering could be because of these changes in your body- whatever is causing the bleeding. Oh I hope it's a sigh of relief for you tomorrow...
ReplyDeleteGetting a BFN after IVF is hard enough, but losing it so early (or ever I suppose) is even worse. I really hope this doesn't happen to you! Your betas were/are so good! Good luck tomorrow, I'm thinking of you
I am so sorry. This is so very scary and heartbreaking for you, yet I am hopeful along with your RE. I will pray and hope. And I'll check in on you tomorrow. Please know somebody out there is holding you in her heart.
ReplyDeletePeace, my friend.
you're in my thoughts and prayers. So sorry that you are going through this.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts will be with you. I hope they find out everything is fine when you go in tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteYou're in my thoughts today, Jo. I'm so hoping that we're both happy by Tuesday afternoon (that's when my u/s is scheduled)... *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThinking of you constantly. I am lacking words to tell you what I'm feeling for you right now. hugs hugs and more hugs
ReplyDeleteThinking of you! Hearing "it's perfectly normal" isn't that much of a reassurance when we've been so conditioned to see blood and think bad thoughts. I had a somewhat similar moment in my late 4th week. I'm praying that all is well...(((HUGS)))
ReplyDelete