..and I don't mean that in a cutesy, look-what-amazing-thing-he-just-did-for-me way. He is, quite literally, off the grid. He left late on Monday night to go visit a very close friend of his in another state, and to meet this guy's son (long story there, of which I don't really wish to rehash right now).
ANYWAY.
So, he promised to be home in time for Christmas Eve. I spoke with him Wednesday and he said he was coming home in the morning.
I spoke to him Thursday afternoon and he said he was coming home after Friend and Son got out of the movie they were currently watching.
I spoke to him Thursday night after he "woke up" from his nap at 11:30 p.m. We argued (duh!), but he said he was getting in the car and coming home (Friend lives 6 hours away).
It is now just after 2 p.m. on Friday, and neither Mo nor Friend will answer the phone or return my calls or texts. Clearly, Mo will not be making it home in time for the festivities of Christmas Eve (which begin in just a few short hours). The question remains: will he make it home for Christmas at all? Will he even bother to call?
I don't know -- and that, in itself, speaks volumes, doesn't it?
Merry Fuckin' Christmas, ya'll.
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In the way that posting about it makes things happen, Mo texted me shortly after this went up and let me know he was alive. He told me he drove halfway last night, got tired, and stopped and got a room. He was supposedly going to get on the road and head home.
I say "supposedly" because I really don't know what to believe. I have no way of knowing where he is or if he's telling me the truth. He refuses to talk to me on the phone because "he doesn't want to fight." He texted me to ask me to go pick up the ring he got me for Christmas (which he won't make it home in time to pick up). When I refused, he stopped responding to my texts. So, now at least I know he's okay...but I have no idea if he's heading home, or still with Friend, or if he even cares to make it home at all.
I have such a bad, bad feeling about this. I mean, how do you recover from this kind of fight -- on Christmas, no less? I've told him that if he misses Christmas, that's it. There's no way to come back from that.
And then, in the midst of my tears, I asked my mom what kind of a man does this.
One who wants out, she replies.
Ouch.
Yeah.
It's been that kind of year.
Friday, December 24, 2010
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Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you. I hope everything is OK.
ReplyDeleteTotally unacceptable. So much so that having a fight about it is totally beside the point...but what does that leave you with? Moving out? Can you contact his family (parents, siblings)? Would they care?
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion, for what it's worth, is that you plan an entire itinerary for today and tomorrow that is neutral as to his presence. Plan to visit friends, attend church, open presents, make phone calls, eat meals, whatever you want to do - in a way that you can do if he does not show. And then don't change your schedule if he does show. At least, I find that's the only thing that helps (and only just a little).
You'll be in my prayers.
Oh honey. Thinking of you and hoping everything is okay.
ReplyDeleteComing over from Quiet Dreams. I just want to say I'm so sorry your going through this. Addiction sucks and it messes with everyone it touches. I hope you can find some peace today for yourself. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteOh Jo, I have no words to comfort you right now, so please just know that I am thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you are having to go through this. *hug*
ReplyDeleteMore than anything Jo I want you to have a peaceful, hopeful AND HAPPY 2011.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, the only way I see that happening, is if you're single.
Ouch, yes it hurts to read that and to be honest, it hurt to type it BUT I'm always honest and I'm usually honest when others aren't but really should be.
This is YOUR life, it's not a dress rehearsal and do you really want to spend another year feeling like you have been this year? Like you are now?
I know leaving won't be easy, when you love someone it rarely is. I read something the other day and it stuck in my mind "we're two people who love each other but we just can't be together" and it's true. You can love someone but just not be able to be together. I know it sounds bizarre but I don't think it is, sometimes love just isn't enough.
I am in NO WAY telling you what to do, I AM however offering you an outsiders perspective from what she see's looking at you from the sidelines. You remind me so much of one of my girlfriends, who after years of living like you are and "giving him one more chance to make things right, to change", she walked this year. Yes it was painful, yes she's still hurting but you know what she's also doing? She's breathing again and most importantly, she's smiling.
My only wish for you in 2011 Jo is that you SMILE from being happy, I don't care HOW you do it, I just want you to do it. If that means leaving Mo, or if that means staying with Mo, I don't care, I just want you to be happy - I think everyone "deserves" to be happy - don't you?
Much love my friend
~x~
Love you. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm bottoming up over here for you, too.
I am so sorry to hear this, I know things have not been easy for you guys. Sending love and strength to you....
ReplyDeleteI am so, so sorry that you are having to deal with this during the holiday season.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Jo...
ReplyDeleteMy heart is hurting for you right now. I wish he wasn't putting you through this.
((Hugs))
Can't believe this is happening ,,, and on Christmas eve. What a way to end the year. I don't know what to say but I am thinking of you - hoping for strength, peace, stability and love for you in the New Year.
ReplyDeleteOh honey, I am so, so sorry. I am hurting bad for you. Love and {{{hugs}}} coming your way.
ReplyDeleteYou have my email - if you need someone to talk to, please call me. I understand the addiction thing and I've been, more or less, where you are now. If you want to talk to someone, drop me an email; I'll send you my number. I mean this seriously - I think the worst part of this is when it's 1AM and you're thinking, "I'm considering freezing our accounts and poisoning his coffee. Is that crazy? Am I crazy? Should I actually be calling the police? Filing for divorce? Talking to a priest? Am I losing my mind?" And there's no one to help you answer those questions. Please - call me. I will be happy to chat. And for the record, if this is an addiction thing, I agree that he's baiting you to call it quits. Don't do it in anger, only in calm judgment - but don't be afraid to do it. Maybe what he's trying to tell you is that what he needs to hear from you before he is ready to make all the changes he needs.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Jo.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve better than this, whether with Mo or without, but anyone deserves better than this.
And I think your mom is right, even if Mo himself doesn't know it.
The only assvice I've got for you is to do what's good for you, not for anyone else. Take care of you, please. I'm worried about you.
The other thing, which you know, is that we can't save anyone else if they don't want it. And we can't make them want it.
ReplyDeleteI give no advice, just that I am sorry that your holiday was filled with more pain on top of the pain you've already been through. Praying that things soon get better. . . whatever it takes.
ReplyDeleteI pray that you can figure out your path forward. I am sending you a big hug and hope for the coming year.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is anything that pisses me off more than when Hubby refuses to speak to me on the phone and instead wants to text-fight. I can sympathize with your fury.
ReplyDeleteOuch - yes. When I think back on the past year in my marriage, at the beginning when he would upset me I would be SO UPSET. Crying huge ugly sobs. Now I am so acclimated to it, things barely ruffle my feathers. Which it is sign to me that I'm emotionally mostly checked out.
You can't be treated the way you are and not, eventually, check out. When you get there and you feel more emotionally grounded, the answer will be clear to you. Right now, the answer may be clear to all of your friends and family but it has to be clear to YOU.
Sending you much love and strength. I hope you enjoyed your drink!!
I'm so very sorry that this happened - at Christmas, no less. Unbelievable, just unbelievable. I hope that the new year gives you some peace, because you can't continue living like this... Hugs to you, my dear.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. Please update!
ReplyDelete"One who wants out..."
ReplyDeleteIndeed.
Are you sure YOU still want IN?
Just sayin....
You are young, honey. But don't waste your youth on someone who does not cherish you. (I know it's easier said than done.) But a New Year is on the horizon. What do you want for YOU in 2011?
Just checking back in. Anxious to hear from you and know that/if things are okay. ;(
ReplyDeleteoh my sweet friend...you deserve so much better than this...and he doesn't deserve someone as wonderful as you are.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you......