Despite my predilection to pee on sticks of all kinds, I've actually showed a modest amount of restraint and haven't "done the deed" since establishing my negative two days ago. From everything I've managed to Google, I haven't seen a reliable positive prior to 5dp5dt. Which begs the question -- do I really want to start testing tomorrow?
In both of our previous pregnancies, I tested positive on 12dpo (7dp5dt). And so, I'm fairly certain I won't see anything until at least then this time, either. But here's where the crazy comes in:
I think I felt implantation on Thursday.
Yes, I know that sounds completely ridiculous. I've debated whether or not to even post that sentence, because I know how absolutely insane it sounds. But.
I have, over the years, come to know my body pretty well. Prior to my first miscarriage, when I read how other women "felt" ovulation, I thought: That's a load of crap! I never, ever, felt a thing, despite the fact that the OPK's showed I was ovulating regularly.
Post-loss, I felt ovulation pains for the first time. Each month, usually within 24-36 hours of my positive OPK, I'd feel a brief, stabbing pain around the ovary area. I know, I know, it sounds far-fetched -- but I swear, it's true. I can tell you which side I ovulated from, and it doesn't always alternate from side to side each month. Just before we started this IVF, I ovulated on the right. This was confirmed a week or so later during my baseline, when they saw the ruptured cyst on that side, and all was quiet on the left. I felt slightly less crazy at that point. :-)
Post-transfer, I was pretty crampy for the first 2 days. It was a dull ache, very different from menstrual cramps, and fairly constant. I know this is normal, so I am not trying to read too much into it. However, on the drive home, I felt a pain of a different sort. Much sharper, not quite where I feel ovulation, and it only lasted a few minutes. Afterward, the uterine cramping seemed to calm down, though it still hasn't completely disappeared.
I can't explain why I think it was implantation (other than wishful thinking). But, if it was, then HCG could be detectable as early as tomorrow (2-3 days after implantation). Or, it could not. Because every woman is different, and there is no way to know for sure what it was I felt. Or didn't feel. Or whatever.
I could just wait until Tuesday, because its not likely to be positive until then, but I am driving myself crazy over here. I have absolutely NO symptoms (beyond those clearly caused by the progesterone), and so I'm starting to think that maybe this didn't work. In which case, an early positive would make me feel MUCH better. Unless my doubts are correct, in which case the next three to five days are just going to be a lesson in increasing frustration.
Gah. The two-week wait is, by far, the hardest part of IVF, in my opinion. No matter how hard I try to distract myself, I can't help obsessing, flipping back and forth. Am I? Am I not? When will I know? My zen from a few days ago has completely disappeared, my friends.
Any suggestions for getting it back?
Saturday, August 6, 2011
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Hmm...I wonder if it is possible to feel implantation that way? I don't think so. Implantation is more of a process than a moment, (according to Nova and other sources) first the embryo turns into a blast (you were already there) then the blast 'snuggles up' into you lining, it continues to expand and then collapse upon itself, then starts to polarize. One end of the blast hatches and cells make contact with the lining, and then more those cells split, and a proto placenta is formed (proto because it isn't providing nourishment or anything at this stage, the yolk sac will do that for sometime yet). Because it takes hours for cells to divide, this process takes sometime. I think it would be highly unlikely for this to be felt, because it is at a microscopic level.
ReplyDeleteJust start peeing on sticks now. Why not? You can consider it an experiment. I also use visualization techniques, picturing the embryo(s) growing. Sometimes I go on pregnancy websites and calculate the due date. When I'm really in the dumps I look at baby clothes. Watching programs about conception, fetal development, and birth sometimes get me out of a 2ww funk, too, and those movies come in helpful later. :)
ps I used to feel when I ovulated too. A mess of scar tissue was wrapped around my right ovary. My OB removed it during my daughter's C section delivery, hasn't twinged since.
Zen? Pfft. Zen is for the birds. And practicers of tai-chi.
ReplyDeleteI can tell you with good fact - I've had 4 pregnancies and 4 chemical pregnancies; out of the 8 times when measurable hCG was in my system, in 6 instances I got second lines on HPTs by the equivalent of 8 or 9 dpo. With the twins, I didn't take my first test until 11dpo, but the line by then was so dark that I'm pretty sure I would have gotten a positive much earlier than that. In all the other cycles, I started testing by the equivalent of 6dpo. Yes, I am that nutcase who tested on 1dp5dt. With Kaelyn's pregnancy, I had to test out a trigger. I got a stark white test at 9 and 10 dpo, and then another line at 11dpo.
For me, agonizing over whether to test or not was exactly that - agony. The 2ww was agony anyway, and not having some sort of idea of where I stood just seemed to stress me out even more.
Just remember - it's still early. You're in the window to see a positive test, so not seeing a line before 7 or 8dp5dt is still totally normal. It's getting lines early that's *abnormal.*
Thinking tons of good thoughts for you, Jo!
I feel ovulation like crazy, so I'd never question what someone else is feeling! I hope you're feeling it.
ReplyDeleteAs for the testing -- I think I'd wait. Well, actually, that's a big lie. I think I'd test but just hold in my mind that it's early.
I think that positive thinking is never a bad thing. So, if you think that what you felt was implantation, go with that. I think that you should do the thing that will make you feel the least stressed, as far as the testing. This is such an exciting time! I hope this is it for you and Mo!
ReplyDeleteIn this case, I'd just wait until Tuesday. If you get the likely negative, it'll just bum you out. At least on tues it'll have a bit more worth. Good luck! It must be driving you crazy!!
ReplyDeleteSince the Clomid cycle we did back in 2006, which conceived our first angel, I felt O pains. If and when I do O, damn PCOS, I feel it. I dont think you are imagining things at all. Its amazing how in tune I am with my body since starting to TTC and especially since Clomid and several different forms of ART. On the POAS deal...with IVF 1.0 (2 embryos transfered) I got my first BFP on a HPT at 7dp5dt, with IVF 2.0 (sET) I got a very faint BFP on 6dp5dt and a much darker line the next day. I can not say to POAS or not to POAS, I would cause I guess I have nothing else to do... Do what feels right.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely think you can feel ovulation and implantation. I swear I felt Bubba move as early as ten weeks. I'd pee on every stick possible, and I'm keeping my fingers tightly crossed!
ReplyDeleteI also think it's possible to feel implantation; I believe I did when I did my donor egg IVF. And I still carry my pee stick in my purse that shows my positive at 6dp3dt, and my twins are 11 mos. old! and fyi-we had a 22-yr-old donor, got 15 fertilized, transferred 2, and the clinic determined none were good enough to freeze at 5d. So I wouldn't put much stock in the fact that you only had 2 frozen--meaning I don't think that means the ones you had transferred would have turned out not good enough. I tend to think clinics have higher standards for determining whether blasts are good for freezing, as opposed to whether they are good for transfer. That may be wacky thinking, but it's how I live with knowing we have none frozen after such a promising start with our IVF.
ReplyDeleteI definitely feel ovulation pains when I ovulate, so it wouldn't surprise me if it's possible to feel implantation as well. As far as POAS, I would say do what you think feels right. I think for me personally, I would wait at least a few more days. Of course, it's been forever since I've had a "2ww" so I have no idea how I'm going to handle our first REAL 2ww ;)
ReplyDeleteGot my fx for you!!!
I wish I had ideas for getting your zen back. The 2WW is soooooo hard! What helped me was trying to stay busy and in the moment...so much easier said than done, though. And not doing home pregnancy tests, which drive me absolutely crazy, but everyone is different and how great would it be to get a BFP and have all this waiting be over?!?
ReplyDeleteIt's totally OK to be crazy during the 2WW, by the way (although it's no fun when you are in the middle of it).
Hugs. The 2WW sucks. Hoping hoping hoping for a BFP for you this week!