Thanks for clicking through! If you have found this site, you probably read my other blog and decided you were curious enough to continue on this journey with me. For that, I am more grateful than any of you realize.
Why the new blog? First, the name change. I chose my first blog name as a play on words (duh) that, at the time, I felt was pretty creative.
Apparently, so did several others -- when they picked THEIR names. After realizing there were many Myrtles out there, I decided I needed to be more original. I got tons of advice from fellow bloggers, the best of which was to find something that applied to ME on a deeper level. Oh, and to check with Mr. Google before publishing!
My first choice, after much thought, was My Girl Friday. I loved this idea, particularly because my maiden name means "Friday" in German. Cute, right?
Check with Mr. Google. Apparently, Girl Friday is a very popular, trendsetting MN gal who writes a weekly column and blogs for a living. It also is considered a sexist term in some circles.
Not wanting to infringe on someone else's payday, or appear sexist in any way, I went back to the drawing board. My next idea? Bittersweet. This, I thought, very much described the process of IF. All the bitterness (toward others, ourselves, our mates, our God) that is tempered by the sweetness of a successful end to our journey. Plus, I thought, this would translate well if I ever do end this journey and move to the other side -- all those bittersweet moments of childhood, you know.
As you can tell by the actual blog name here, that idea was taken also. (By a very talented cook, I may add, whose recipes I will definitely be snagging).
By now, I was quite stumped. How could I find a cute, catchy blog title that 1) applied to me and 2) wasn't already taken?
For some reason, I began thinking about my father-in-law. He recently lost a four-year battle with cancer and died over the summer. He left a very rich legacy behind, having been a musician and community "legend" for over fifty years. In fact, it was a part of this legacy (the financial one) that enabled Mo and I to begin this journey again. Was there a way I could honor him in my blog name?
It turns out that the very first recording my FIL ever did was a 45 titled "Mojo Works." A take on the Muddy Waters classic, at 21 it launched his music career. Mojo is a good luck charm (who doesn't need that?). It's also slang for -- well, let's just say that Austin Powers lost it and went to great lengths to get it back!
For all these reasons I thought that I could definitely use a little mojo. Plus, it lent itself very well to new nicknames for myself and Hubby. He is a very private person, and I have to be careful to keep my posting anonymous. Henceforth, I will be known as "Jo" and he as "Mo."
When and if our infertility journey ends, MoJo Working will be appropriate then also. We are both teachers and so will need to continue to work as we raise our children. Our goals will inevitably change, but our ability to work together as a team to achieve them won't. Right now, Mo and Jo are working to have a baby. What will they work on next? Only time will tell.
Finally, I switched to Blogger simply because I could tweak my page much more than with Typepad. For free. Did I mention I'm a teacher? Going through infertility treatments? In my world, Free = Good Stuff.
So, here it is. I hope you like it. But if you don't, that's okay. I do -- and that, in the end, is really what matters.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Here We Go Again. . . .
Remember how Zen I was feeling a few weeks ago? All "if it doesn't happen this cycle, I'm still confident it will happen, blah, blah, blah? " Well, not so much anymore.
I have to admit I am both excited and nervous. It has been almost a year to the day from my last negative beta, following our 2nd failed IUI. I can clearly remember how positive I was it had worked, and how devastated when it didn't. I remember feeling so frustrated, angry, and depressed. Even my husband, who can ALWAYS make me feel better, could do nothing to console me.
One year later, we are in a much better position. Our marriage is stronger, having endured some extremely difficult, (non-IF) circumstances. We are still coming out from some of them, though every day feels better than the day before. Financially we have been blessed: a year ago, we struggled to come up with the $500 per cycle for the IUI, and now we are able to tell the RE "whatever it takes." It comes at a price, though: my children will never know their grandfather, nor the wonderful gift he left that made their existence possible. Through our trials (perhaps even because of them?) my faith in God has been restored; my anger toward Him has dissapated and been replaced with hope. For all these reasons, I'm excited to begin again.
I'm nervous, though, too. What if this doesn't work? How much longer can we endure this? My husband says "whatever it takes." What if THAT doesn't work? How much are we willing to spend: emotionally, financially, spiritually? Can my recently renewed faith withstand another negative? Can it withstand 2 or 3 more? I just don't know. I want to say, YES! Without reservation. Yes, we can do this. But ---I just don't know.
Either way, here we go again. Some of it is new territory (daily injections), some of it is old hat (ultrasounds, trigger shot, IUI, the long, long, 2WW). I'm going to keep trying to stay positive. I'm going to keep praying that this works. And I'm going to keep hoping that one day, we will have our little blessing. Because if there is anything I have learned this past year, it's that you have to keep going. Even when we are not sure where exactly we are headed.
I have to admit I am both excited and nervous. It has been almost a year to the day from my last negative beta, following our 2nd failed IUI. I can clearly remember how positive I was it had worked, and how devastated when it didn't. I remember feeling so frustrated, angry, and depressed. Even my husband, who can ALWAYS make me feel better, could do nothing to console me.
One year later, we are in a much better position. Our marriage is stronger, having endured some extremely difficult, (non-IF) circumstances. We are still coming out from some of them, though every day feels better than the day before. Financially we have been blessed: a year ago, we struggled to come up with the $500 per cycle for the IUI, and now we are able to tell the RE "whatever it takes." It comes at a price, though: my children will never know their grandfather, nor the wonderful gift he left that made their existence possible. Through our trials (perhaps even because of them?) my faith in God has been restored; my anger toward Him has dissapated and been replaced with hope. For all these reasons, I'm excited to begin again.
I'm nervous, though, too. What if this doesn't work? How much longer can we endure this? My husband says "whatever it takes." What if THAT doesn't work? How much are we willing to spend: emotionally, financially, spiritually? Can my recently renewed faith withstand another negative? Can it withstand 2 or 3 more? I just don't know. I want to say, YES! Without reservation. Yes, we can do this. But ---I just don't know.
Either way, here we go again. Some of it is new territory (daily injections), some of it is old hat (ultrasounds, trigger shot, IUI, the long, long, 2WW). I'm going to keep trying to stay positive. I'm going to keep praying that this works. And I'm going to keep hoping that one day, we will have our little blessing. Because if there is anything I have learned this past year, it's that you have to keep going. Even when we are not sure where exactly we are headed.
Monday, January 19, 2009
What's In a Name?
I've begun expanding my blog-reading list in anticipation of the commentathon that begins this week. In doing so, I've seen so many creative, funny, descriptive names for the blogs themselves -- and too many that make mine seem unoriginal. There are several that are almost identical to mine (I swear, I did not know this when I began).
So, I've decided to change the name of my blog. Since I currently have very few (if any) readers, this should not be too problematic. However, I am hoping that one or two of you who stumble here through IComLeavWe might be able to offer some suggestions.
To help you out, a little about me (without revealing too much): I am a teacher and a wife. I love my two labradors, cooking, reading, and writing. I have been dealing with fertility issues for almost seven years, although actively TTC for just over six. We have been diagnosed with low sperm counts, low motility, PCOS and endometriosis. We have two failed IUI w/ clomid cycles and absolutely ZERO pregnancies. I am active in my church, though I have struggled a lot with maintaining faith throughout this journey. I like to think I have a good sense of humor. Oh, and I love anything pink or sparkly.
You would think, working with words every day, I'd be better at this -- but I am drawing a complete blank. Any suggestions/ideas from you smart, funny, wordy women would be greatly appreciated!
So, I've decided to change the name of my blog. Since I currently have very few (if any) readers, this should not be too problematic. However, I am hoping that one or two of you who stumble here through IComLeavWe might be able to offer some suggestions.
To help you out, a little about me (without revealing too much): I am a teacher and a wife. I love my two labradors, cooking, reading, and writing. I have been dealing with fertility issues for almost seven years, although actively TTC for just over six. We have been diagnosed with low sperm counts, low motility, PCOS and endometriosis. We have two failed IUI w/ clomid cycles and absolutely ZERO pregnancies. I am active in my church, though I have struggled a lot with maintaining faith throughout this journey. I like to think I have a good sense of humor. Oh, and I love anything pink or sparkly.
You would think, working with words every day, I'd be better at this -- but I am drawing a complete blank. Any suggestions/ideas from you smart, funny, wordy women would be greatly appreciated!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Return to the World of IF (Treatment, That Is)
After a long, semi-intentional, almost year-long absence, Mo and I are once again boarding the roller-coaster of infertility treatments. After TAB for approximately six months, our baby-making plans were halted by some intense family stress, including the death of my father-in-law over the summer. While we attempted to put our lives back together, we somehow managed to get in the recommended laproscopy (result = mild endometriois, treated), bloodwork, and injection-teaching. We spent a small fortune on Bravelle, Ovidrel, and progesterone supplements and are now simply waiting to begin the next phase of this long, winding journey.
Perhaps it is everything we have been through this last year, or perhaps another year of "wisdom" as I age. . .(yeah - right)! . . .but somehow, this time seems less intense. Is it simply "old hat" - this routine of doctor's visits, medication, ultrasounds, waiting and prayer? I don't know. What I do know is that I am still hopeful - in fact, perhaps more so now than ever before. Somewhere, in the quiet place of my soul, I KNOW that I will be a mother - somehow, someday. More so, I feel confident in saying that the day will come soon. I don't know where that confidence comes from, especially since everything I can see points to the opposite being true. But somehow, despite the setbacks, the disappointments, the failed cycles I still have it. It's more than hope - I have faith. Someday, I will join those women on the "other" side - the ones who talk so casually about pregnancy, birth, children, and motherhood. Someday I will forget the long, long road it took to get me there and the heartbreaks I encountered on the way. Someday, this rollercoaster will be nothing but a memory.
Someday -- soon.
Perhaps it is everything we have been through this last year, or perhaps another year of "wisdom" as I age. . .(yeah - right)! . . .but somehow, this time seems less intense. Is it simply "old hat" - this routine of doctor's visits, medication, ultrasounds, waiting and prayer? I don't know. What I do know is that I am still hopeful - in fact, perhaps more so now than ever before. Somewhere, in the quiet place of my soul, I KNOW that I will be a mother - somehow, someday. More so, I feel confident in saying that the day will come soon. I don't know where that confidence comes from, especially since everything I can see points to the opposite being true. But somehow, despite the setbacks, the disappointments, the failed cycles I still have it. It's more than hope - I have faith. Someday, I will join those women on the "other" side - the ones who talk so casually about pregnancy, birth, children, and motherhood. Someday I will forget the long, long road it took to get me there and the heartbreaks I encountered on the way. Someday, this rollercoaster will be nothing but a memory.
Someday -- soon.
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