PPD

I was officially diagnosed with post-partum depression at 7 weeks.  I have an appointment with a therapist next week, and started an antidepressant three weeks ago.  YOU GUYS.  I can't tell you the difference that one little pill has made.  I feel like myself again, the best version of myself.  The ME that was hiding under the blanket of infertility and loss. The ME that I forgot was in there, smothered in grief and misery.  I feel vibrant, happy, content.  I can honestly say I haven't felt this good in YEARS.

It helps that BB is now sleeping much, much better.  Shortly after 8 weeks old he began sleeping in a long, six-to-seven hour stretch at night, followed by a three-hour one.  I feel like a new woman!  My meds have made it much easier for me to fall asleep at night, and to wake up in the morning.  Since I am no longer breastfeeding or pumping, my doctor prescribed Eff.exor, which works on both seratonin and noripinephrine receptors in the brain.  This gives me energy when I wake up in the mornings.

What really gets me going, though, are the smiles.  My god, people.  I can be half-asleep, grumpy as all get out, and I hear BB cooing.  I roll over and look at him in his Rock n Play (still the only place he will sleep), and he just GRINS at me.  I'm talking giant, happy, you're-the-greatest-person-in-the-world, i-love-you-so-much smiles that just light up my world. I know I'm biased, but I have never seen a prettier smile than the one my baby wears.

I have so many thoughts jumbling up my brain these days, and nowhere to put them.  Blogging is hard when you spend your days holding a sleeping baby to your chest (not that I'm complaining).  I will find my way back here soon -- I know this.  If parenthood has taught me anything its that nothing lasts.  This phase will pass, way too quickly I am sure, and I will be back here to update you on all the random bits that make up a life well lived.

Because, frankly, ya'll, that's how I feel.  Finally. I've got a life worth living -- and that's exactly what I'm going to do.