Becoming An Atheist: The Power of Prayer

For me, as a Christian, prayer was how I connected with what I believed to be God. I sought him diligently, daily, and in all things. I prayed for others more often than for myself, though I would be lying if I said that I never asked for things to go my way. For years, I bought into the myth of "God's timing" and failed to do anything beyond pray, fervently, for our lives to be blessed with a child.

As the years passed, and things with Mo became more and more strained, I prayed nearly constantly for my husband's salvation. I literally begged God, in tears, with all the fervor in my heart, to save him. Likewise, as I lay in bed losing my first child, I once again turned to prayer, as I had been taught. After all, doesn't the Bible promise that God will answer our prayers? If we ask, without doubting, our prayers will be granted. It doesn't say it will be granted IF it fits in with God's plan -- it says that if you ask, you will receive.

Quite obviously, my prayers were ineffectual. At first, I blamed myself. Perhaps I didn't believe enough, didn't trust enough. Perhaps my motives were ultimately selfish, undeserving of being answered. Then, I turned my blame onto my husband. If only HE would pray, if he would see the error of his ways, THEN God would answer our prayers.

It didn't occur to me, for many years, that maybe God wasn't there, and that prayer was, ultimately, an exercise in futility.

It wasn't long after I first realized that I was, indeed, a non-believer, that I came across this site. While many Christians will dismiss it out of hand, I found it to be extremely thought-provoking. Why IS it, I began to think, that people believe that God is helping them to find their car keys, or curing their sniffles, or granting them a promotion -- when millions of small, innocent, human children are dying each day of starvation and disease? Are those children not praying correctly? Does their lack of Christianity (an accident of birth and geography, and no real fault of theirs) mean that God doesn't hear, or feel the need, to answer their pleas? What about the Jews of the Holocaust? Those were God's chosen people, and I guarantee they prayed to their God during their horrific experiences. Did God answer their prayers?

Some will say he did: there are survivors who believe he did. But what proof do they have? Not one person alive today can produce definitive proof of God's interference in the lives of man. And why did he answer only some prayers, and not others? What makes a prayer worthy of being answered? If you find your keys -- did God hear and answer your prayer? Or did you just think of a new place to look? Did God cure your husband's cancer, or did the chemotherapy do its job? Were your prayers finally answered with the birth of your child, or did you just finally figure out the right treatment plan and roll the dice enough times to get the outcome you desired?

Studies have been conducted over the years, all of which prove the inefficacy of prayer. People who are prayed for have no better outcomes than those who are not. This, of course, is explained as being part of God's mysterious plan. If things go the way you want, then God heard and answered your prayers. If they do not, well, there are unknowable reasons why. It's actually a good gig if you can get it -- somehow, Christians have twisted their theology to give God the credit when things go well, and none of the blame when things do not.

There are, of course, limits to prayer -- even the most devout Christians know that God will not (cannot?) answer impossible prayers. An amputee will not sprout new limbs, no matter how many people pray for him or how strong their faith. A woman without a uterus will not give birth to a healthy child. A person who has died will not come back to life. If these things are beyond God's capabilities, the he is not the omnipotent being many believe him to be. If they are within his reach, and he is simply choosing not to answer those prayers, then Jesus lied. Either way, Christianity fails logically when attempting to explain prayer, when reconciling their teachings in the Bible, with everyday experiences.

There are few people in our country today willing to leave everything in God's hands -- in one way or another, we all take advantage of modern science and medicine at some point in our lives. And how many of us would be willing to leave the health or well-being of our own children up to prayer? If your child has cancer, for example, how many of us will elect to do nothing but attempt to pray it away? When religious fundamentalists do just that, we accuse them of neglect, even child abuse. We say they "let" their child die. If we acknowledge in that example that God is incapable of answering our prayers without human assistance (in the form of radiation or chemotherapy), then is he really answering them at all?

I have long since given up on prayer. I see no point to it, and quite honestly, it aggravates the hell out of me to see God being given credit for the hard work and skill of other human beings. Prayer is not powerful -- in fact, for many, it is an excuse to do nothing, and yet feel as though they did something. It gives human beings a sense of control in an uncontrollable and unpredictable universe -- but ultimately, it's a false sense of control.

There are many things I CAN'T control -- accidents, disease, other people. I can, and will, offer my sympathies, my abilities, and my humanity to others when confronted with these unfortunate realities. What I will not do is spend my precious time sending inaudible thoughts in their direction -- both they, and I, are better served if I get off my ass and make them a sandwich. It won't fix anything -- but, then again, neither will prayer.